Forgiveness and Salvation
The act of crying over wrongdoing seems a bit unfair.
If you are definitely at fault, tears become a cowardly tool.
<“The perpetrator is also suffering so much. So please lighten the load.”>
What a thing to say.
If you have done something wrong, the thing to do is not to cry.
All you have to do is to apologize sincerely.
But I was crying cowardly.
I couldn’t stand Shiho’s kindness when I realized that I couldn’t stand it.
“Eh? Ah, ja? Ko-Kotaro-kun,… are you crying? I’m not going to let you cry like that. I’m going to cry too. It’s all right, it’s all right now, okay? I’m right next to you, okay?”
I guess she didn’t expect me to cry.
Shiho came close to me and rubbed my back soothingly.
“No… this is, you know…”
In a panic, I wiped away my tears.
I try desperately to pretend I’m not crying, because I didn’t mean to.
But the tears just wouldn’t stop. No matter how many times I wiped them away, they kept flowing out one after another.
“If you rub so hard, you’ll get red and swollen …I’ll wipe it with my handkerchief, okay? Don’t take away my expertise, I’m the one who has to cry.”
Jokingly, she wiped my tears with the handkerchief she had taken out.
A gentle hand, like stroking.
It was like a puppy being groomed by its parent dog, and it was somewhat embarrassing.
I was definitely being treated like a child.
But I can’t complain about that. I’m sure anyone would have reacted this way if I had suddenly started crying.
“Do you feel any pain? Is there something wrong with you? Or did I say something bad? Can you tell me why you are crying? I’ll make it go away, okay?”
–No.
It’s not Shiho’s fault, it’s not that something hurts, it’s not that I’m not feeling well.
These tears did not flow out due to suffering.
“It’s because Shiho is … kind.”
Because of that, the tears overflowed.
This girl’s kindness was so warm that I lost my strength, or rather, the emotional strings that had bound me so tightly were loosened.
“I didn’t expect you to forgive me.”
I thought I had hurt her.
I thought I would make Shiho feel bad because of me.
Because this girl loves me with all her heart.
She would be jealous, she would be sulking, she would be angry – that’s what I assumed.
But she didn’t seem to have any of those feelings.
“It’s not surprising, you know. I don’t think Kotaro-kun would do something to hurt me on his own. Usually, I’m a little jealous of him. But that’s only half in fun,… and I mean I’m not very smart,… but I’m not so stupid that I can’t understand how you feel.”
It’s at times like this… that I feel strongly.
Shiho really is a pure girl.
She is so clear.
Her skin color is the same as the color of her hair, so clear and beautiful.
Therefore, she can believe in me.
I don’t doubt it one bit, so even though I’m in a situation like now, I still don’t feel a shred of bad about it.
“There is no way that Kotaro-kun would fall in love with anyone but me.”
And her words are full of confidence.
Shiho doesn’t do the pathetic thing that I do, which is to be humble and self-deprecating.
“t’s a given that I’m the one you love …… as you are the one I love… It doesn’t matter what you do with other girls. I love you, Kotaro-kun, and I know that you love me.”
For the charge of repentance, Shiho, with a merciful and kind heart, offered forgiveness.
That did not make my sin any lighter.
But it was true that my … heart became easier to bear.
Shiho is still a benefactor to me.
Whenever I’m going through a hard time or suffering, she always comes to my rescue.