Fake Slackers
Translator: Jury
Editor: NomNom
First Published on Chaleuria
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030 – If I called you idiot would you answer
Shen Jie’s and Wan Da’s grades were evenly matched. They sat one in front of the other again for this exam, only, this time, their positions were reversed.
The two sat down according to their examination numbers. Their gazes met and held for a long while, then they smiled.
Shen Jie said, “Bro, you get it.”
Wan Da said, “I do get it. To a good partnership.”
After comparing their answers, the two started chatting up a storm via their cheat notes. They didn’t finish their chat during the language exam, so they continued during the English exam.
When we’re done here, wanna go get lunch?
Where should we go?
The cafeteria. Where else?
The cafeteria menu today is a little scary… invite Zhao-ge and the others along?
No choice, even if it’s bad. Of course! Invite everyone. We weather the storms together.
Jie-ge, speaking of which, how long have you known Zhao-ge?
They had had a nice chat about lunch, but now Wan Da began to change the subject. Shen Jie opened the note, saw these words, and knew that Wan Da’s busybody heart was like the weeds that wouldn’t die even after being swept by wildfire. When the spring wind blew, it would sprout, again.
Shen Jie thought about it. He’d known He Zhao for close to three years.
When they met, dance games had been popular, and the streets were full of non-mainstream fashion. Shen Jie was quite the good kid at home, but out of doors, he went very wild and often went to internet cafes. He even had an online relationship with a girl who talked with emojis.
These illegal internet cafes were mostly hidden away in little nooks behind winding paths. After finding the sign, one needed to bend down, slip in, and push open a small door to find the world of underage non-mainstream youth.
For three bucks,¹ they could enjoy an hour of time online.
Enjoyment was enjoyment, but this particular internet cafe was quite risky, and got reported at the slightest provocation.
If the kids were unlucky and were caught by the police, their families would be notified to pick them up—an even graver offense than failing an exam.
Shen Jie remembered their encounter to this day. After he paid, he collected his number tag and wandered the entire hall looking for machine 6. Amidst the non-mainstream crowd whose bangs covered their eyes, he discovered someone with his head pillowed on his arms in front of a computer, sleeping.
A black and red sports jacket and very short hair. Near his ear, he’d very audaciously shaved the letter ‘n’ into his hair. Several cigarette stubs lay in the ashtray next to his hand.
Just from the view of his back, Shen Jie felt that this person’s languid attitude was a little overbearing, and found him irritating on sight.
Computer number 5.
Computer number 6 was right next to the cool handsome guy.
Shen Jie carefully sat down. He pressed the on switch and discovered the person was lying on his mousepad. He tried to pull it out quietly, but ended up accidentally waking the guy.
The guy wore headphones that had already been on the verge of falling off. As he looked up, they slid down and hung around his neck.
“……” Damn, what a pretty face…
Shen Jie was so shocked he jumped.
The cute guy didn’t speak. After waking up, he continued typing.
On the screen was the latest and hottest dance game. Even Shen Jie had grit his teeth, bought QQ currency, and downloaded it.
To the students, a set of clothes radiating suaveness was the core of dignity while playing the game. In the game, everyone acknowledged each other as brothers and sisters, but this newcomer wearing an impossibly ugly amateur’s uniform might as well have picked the name, ‘Don’t add me as a friend.’
It was a game requiring hand speed, but the guy still found time to open a can of cola one-handed and drink it.
Shen Jie had heard of a big bro on the street who picked this sort of underage internet cafe to collect protection fees from, but he’d never encountered him in person.
Until a guy wielding a stick kicked down the door and swaggered in.
In the height of summer, the guy wore a floral Hawaiian shirt. His beer gut was so big that he couldn’t fasten the buttons over it, so the shirt was half undone. He looked intimidating and his face was greasy.
Floral Shirt walked in, a cigarette in his mouth. He banged on the computer table with his stick. “Things have been a little tight lately. You know what I mean… quickly.”
A little money would settle matters. Most people would think like that, but when it was Shen Jie’s turn and he was about to hand it over, somebody held down his hand.
He Zhao stood up. He’d finished his cola, and squeezed the can in his hand; he exerted only a little force and formed a deep indent in the can. “Collect what? What are you doing?”
The reminiscence stopped here. Shen Jie wrote on the paper: Zhao-ge is my idol.
In the last exam room.
For a long time, Xie Yu wasn’t sure how to answer. He wrote the words, You’re an idiot, on the paper, then scribbled them away.
During the second half of the English exam, several students in the last row made a ruckus, just short of tossing the answers at the invigilator’s head. Tang Sen shifted his chair to the back of the room to observe the exam, right beside He Zhao.
Xie Yu folded up the note. In the end, he didn’t find a good chance to hand it over.
He Zhao didn’t wait. He lay down on the table and was sound asleep before long.
The bell rang, the papers were collected, and the environment became lively again.
He Zhao was sleeping soundly. While the papers were being collected, Xie Yu called him several times. He didn’t react and even turned his head to bury his face in the crook of his arm.
“……”
Xie Yu turned in the exam booklet for him. Before he handed it over, he glanced over the answer sheet from start to finish, and found that He Zhao would probably score about 35 points.
While the papers were being collected, the people beside him took the chance to compare several more answers. “This question, C? What about this one? Is it B?”
Xie Yu calmly changed several of his answers to the wrong ones.
The monthly exams covered just three subjects: language, math, and English.
In the afternoon, after the math exam was over, Class 2.3 had two periods of self-study while the teachers graded the exams.
Liu Cunhao and the others intended to sneak out to the basketball courts to play ball. He Zhao didn’t really want to stay in the classroom doing nothing, either. He got up and said, “I’m going too. Let’s go.”
Luo Wenqiang said, “You only ever watch us play… your ankle still isn’t well?”
He Zhao said, “I’m too good. I worry I’ll wreck your confidence.”
Liu Cunhao said, “My ass.”
He Zhao continued, “Really. I’m afraid I’ll scar you.”
They chatted for a while and decided they did want to go to the basketball courts.
He Zhao had just walked out when he turned back. “Old Xie, coming?”
Xie Yu didn’t even look up. “So, go.”
“You said it.” He Zhao went straight over and tugged at his hand.
Xie Yu found it ridiculous. He’d rejected it so clearly—what did he mean, you said it?
He Zhao pulled apart the words ‘So, go’ and repeated them. “Sure, I’ll go.”²
Xie Yu: “……”
Dean Jiang stopped them on the way to the basketball court. This man, who was pushing forty, opened the window to his office and stuck out his head. “You on the basketball court, what are you doing? It’s class time. What are you doing? Class 2.3, right? Get your asses up here.”
Dean Jiang’s loud voice carried very well.
Wan Da, carrying the ball, hopped from foot to foot. “Damn it, so unlucky? Doesn’t Mad Dog have to grade exams? Isn’t he a math teacher?”
The few of them formed a row in front of the faculty office.
Dean Jiang asked, “Why don’t you explain yourselves?”
Luo Wenqang, as the gym rep, could not in good conscience remain silent now. He stepped forward and said, “We were practicing basketball. Our class formed a basketball team…”
“Wait.” Dean Jiang got even more angry after hearing the reason. “There’s no tournament going on. If there’s no tournament, what on earth are you all practicing for?!”
Luo Wenqiang couldn’t say anything more.
But He Zhao calmly replied, “Strength training?”
As a result, all of Class 2.3 watched the few of them, who had said they were going to the basketball court to play ball, run laps around the quad under the hot sun.
Xu Qingqing’s desk was by the window. She stared for a long time and didn’t understand what was going on. “…What are they doing?”
The others also indicated that they didn’t know. They guessed, “Warming up?”
Dean Jiang didn’t leave. He stood in a shady spot and counted laps for them. “Don’t you love exercising and strength training? Run! Fifteen more laps… if you can’t finish them, don’t go back to class.”
It was extremely hot out, and only when they were running did they catch a slight breeze. Sweat flowed slowly from their foreheads.
“Fifteen laps. If you’re a man, you run fifteen laps,” He Zhao said as he ran. “Old Xie, can you do it?”
Xie Yu ignored him.
He Zhao got more into it the more he ran and even ran ahead of Xie Yu. Then he turned and started running backwards. He looked at Xie Yu and said, “Wanna make a bet? Who finishes fifteen laps first.”
“Do you have nothing better to do?”
“Do you dare?”
“……”
Dean Jiang only said fifteen laps, but didn’t really put them on the spot. After watching them run three laps, he left, which was tacit acknowledgement that they could go back to class.
The quad had been exposed to the hot sun all day and the smell of asphalt was strong.
Dean Jiang had just left when Liu Cunhao and Wan Da helped each other over to the side. “Let’s go, let’s go. This is killing me.”
Aside from the gym rep who was happily running, only He Zhao and Xie Yu were still doing laps.
“Those two must be crazy…” Wan Da stood beside the flag podium and watched them chase each other around, a little stunned. “Fifteen laps, really?”
Liu Cunhao was incredibly thirsty and assumed they didn’t know that Mad Dog had left. He yelled to them twice, but they didn’t respond, so he left it alone, too. “They probably really want to do strength training. Let’s go get water.”
Running, lap after lap, is quite addictive.
Drenched in sweat, footsteps unending. Letting your mind go blank. You can think of nothing at all. If you want to vent, then run on viciously with all your strength.
Even if it’s tiring, so exhausting your breath comes quickly, so exhausting you taste blood in your throat.
By the end, Xie Yu’s back was thoroughly soaked, the hem of his shirt catching in the wind.
There was only one thought left in his mind: sprint. Keep running. His body burned with it.
……
Thirteen.
Fourteen.
Fifteen rounds.
The two crossed the finish line at the same time.
He Zhao dashed forward a little further, then stopped.
He stood on the spot for a long time, then picked up the hem of his shirt and mopped at his face. The line of his waist and his abdominal muscles were briefly exposed. Sweat rolled down his neck, and he raised one hand after he had wiped his face like he wanted to high-five Xie Yu, his voice unbearably hoarse. “Badass. You’re quite something.”
Xie Yu bent at the waist. Aside from his labored breathing, his ears were buzzing and he couldn’t hear He Zhao’s voice clearly.
He Zhao was exhausted, too. He lay flat down on the quad and looked up at the wide and edgeless sky.
For some reason—perhaps because his mind had fallen into a completely blank state just now—after he had calmed down, something mysterious flashed before his eyes.
“…He Zhao, just focus on revising. The high school entrance exams are coming up and I have a set of mock exams here. When you’re done, I’ll go over it with you. With your grades, which high school in A City can’t you get into?”
He Zhao scratched his head; he didn’t want to keep thinking about it. He couldn’t hold back a curse. “Fuck.”
Xie Yu rested for a while. He sat to the side, both hands supporting his weight against the courtyard floor, and kicked He Zhao. “Hey.”
He Zhao answered after a pause, “What are you doing?”
Xie Yu said, “If I called you idiot, would you answer?”
He Zhao wasn’t sure why Xie Yu was suddenly bringing this up. “…You’re the idiot.”
“So.” Xie Yu followed him and lay down on the ground. After the vigorous exercise, both of their voices were a little hoarse. They were very close together, and as Xie Yu breathed he thought he smelled the detergent on He Zhao’s clothes, mixed with the scent of sweat. “Don’t ask other people. Ask yourself.”
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Translation notes: [1]about 42 US$ cents [2]The words for ‘So, go’ when said with a gap in between can be interpreted as ‘Sure, I’ll go’