The notion that formal wear was a waste of time hadn't changed, but now was not the time to dwell on such personal opinions. Yuder silently nodded.
"Understood."
"As my Assistant, you'll have slightly different adornments than the others, the Deputy Commander of each Division is also the same. I selected them myself."
"Despite being busy."
Nathan Zuckerman casually chimed in from behind. Kishiar burst into laughter and agreed, "Exactly."
"I don't mean to brag, but I have quite the reputation in the capital's social circles and among fashion designers for having good taste. You can look forward to it."
Yuder had never looked forward to a party in his life, and the day he would revel in wearing formal wear probably wouldn't come, but what could he say in the face of Kishiar's jovial smile?
"…Yes."
Quietly responding, Yuder went down to his quarters. The small room, showing almost no sign of habitation except for a few uniforms and outfits hanging up, remained immaculately cleaned even in his absence.
As he took off his coat and lay on the bed, fatigue that had been lingering seemed to envelop his entire body. With a sigh, Yuder removed his right glove.
At first glance, his hand looked clean, but there was a small purplish spot on the back of his right hand. Despite receiving treatment, both the back and the inside of his hand still held a deep heat and throbbed irritatingly. He hadn't told Kishiar, but Yuder knew that its condition was slightly different from when the spot first appeared.
'Initially, after treatment, it would fully heal. But ever since it extended to my shoulder, even after treatment, some degree of pain and numbness remains like a residual mark.'
Of course, this lingering sensation would disappear over time, but the problem was that it seemed to last longer each time he had treatment. It felt as if an abscess was forming deep within, slowly accumulating, even though it looked perfectly fine on the outside.
'Since divine power alone couldn't heal it completely, it can't be helped.'
What more was needed to cure this strange spot? He felt he might have to see Enon again soon.
Yuder clenched and unclenched his fist a few times and then closed his eyes. Initially, he had planned to immediately go underground, meet the mages, and learn about the progress of their research, but his body felt so heavy that getting up was a struggle. It was probably due to the aftereffects of the treatment.
However, a sudden thought brushed through his mind, forcing his heavy eyelids to snap open.
'…Could this be a sign that my second gender manifestation is near?'
Lowering the hand that was covering his face, Yuder quickly sat up. He retrospectively scrutinized his body condition. The power that filled his body, the serene state of his mana pool, the lack of even a slight fever, there was nothing different from normal. There were no abnormalities.
Not yet.
Only after he reassured himself several times did the unpleasant sensations and memories that were whirling around his mind gradually disappear.
'Right. It's no surprise I'm being oversensitive after meeting so many alphas in heat.'
Yuder took another deep breath, releasing it slowly. He promised himself he must prepare for the second gender manifestation as quickly as possible. The desire to sleep vanished almost instantly, yet his body still felt heavy, suggesting it might be better to rest a little longer before heading out.
——
‘I'm sorry.’
A heavy voice echoed in his mind.
‘It’s not your fault. After all, I was the one who created this situation, it’s only fair to blame me.’
A memory that he had repeatedly reflected upon.
‘I don’t exactly know what has happened to us…’
A nightmare he had tried to suppress for a long time, only to repeatedly fail.
.
.
.
“Yuder! Didn’t you hear me?”
Yuder shook the lingering voice from his mind and looked blankly downward. Kanna, who had her box of formal clothes tucked under her arm, was offering him another box, her face full of suspicion.
“This is yours.”
“Hmm. Thanks.”
Yuder awkwardly accepted the box Kanna held out. They were in the lounge to receive their formal clothes for the upcoming party. Everywhere, members of their group were busily unboxing and inspecting their formal attire, filling the room with noise and excitement. Seeing their laughter full of excitement, Yuder felt a moment of clarity.
“You’ve been absent-minded since this morning. Are you really not ill?”
“No, I’m not.”
“But you ate less than usual. I mean, you're the person who recently ate more than ten pieces of bread, but today you only had three. Couldn’t sleep well?”
“No, that’s not it either.”
When had she started watching him eat? Yuder firmly shook his head, but Kanna's face remained a mix of worry and doubt.
“Even so….”
“Kanna! Did you find your clothes? We need to go try them on.”
Kanna, whose words had trailed off, saw Ever calling from afar. She patted Yuder’s back lightly and said her farewells.
“I should go now. I heard from those who checked earlier that there might be issues with the stitching on the sleeves, so make sure to inspect that part.”
“Alright.”
Her eyes, transparent as glass, took in Yuder's complexion for a brief yet definitive moment.
“You’re really alright?”
Yuder finally let out a long sigh, slightly lifting the corners of his mouth.
“I’m fine.”
“Alright. If you want to change your schedule for today's event, I can take over for you. Don’t hesitate to tell me.”
Seeing her eyes filled with the resolve to help Yuder, no matter what, made him feel somewhat guilty for his recent disarray. Yuder nodded and quietly watched her rush off to join her friends.
The noise around him and the happy atmosphere felt strangely distant, as if he was enveloped in an invisible barrier of air. This peculiar feeling had been dampening his mood since the morning.
‘The reason… must be the dream I had last night.’
Yuder had been tormented by nightmares the previous night. He remembered little, but one dream lingered, resurfacing whenever he tried to forget it, giving him a headache.
It was a dream related to the events that happened after the second gender manifestation in his previous life.
Perhaps it was the worry that had occupied his mind just before sleep that had brought on such a dream, but knowing the cause didn't make it any less bitter.
Every time Yuder remembered that era filled with chaos, he always felt an uncomfortable sensation, as if something was stuck in his throat.
It was a thing of the past, yet also an event that had yet to occur. Despite his unwavering belief that it should never be repeated, he couldn't understand why he felt so complicated, and it irritated him. Yuder lightly brushed his furrowed brow with his hand, gripping the box containing his ceremonial attire.
"Yuder!" "Yuder!"
The ones who stopped him as he was about to head to his quarters alone were Devran and Jimmy. The pair, who had become quite close since the Hartan incident and were often seen together, had already changed into their white ceremonial clothes instead of their usual black uniforms.
"Finally found you. Where were you heading?"
"Back to my quarters to check the ceremonial clothes."
"Why bother going all the way back? There's a changing room nearby."
Devran laughed and pointed to a small room connected to the lounge.
"He's right. You should just change here. I can check if anything's wrong with your attire. My mom used to work in costume design, I'm good at that stuff."
Given such a persuasive argument, Yuder found himself standing in front of the small room, unable to refuse. There were a few more rooms that the Cavalry members were using as changing rooms besides the one Yuder was standing in front of, but one was particularly crowded. Upon noticing Yuder's gaze, Devran and Jimmy shared a glance, grinning.
"Who's inside that room?"
"Just guess."
"Gakane."
"He's got the best face, doesn't he? They're all gawking because they want to get a look."
Yuder was unable to understand how Gakane's handsome appearance was relevant to the situation from that explanation alone. However, the moment Gakane, in his white ceremonial clothes, revealed his face from inside the room, the crowd erupted into cheers and laughter.
"He does look good!"
"You might not be on the Commander's level, but you won't kneel before them, that's for sure!"
"Great. Let's put this guy in the front and give the nobles a run for their money."
"…"
In the midst of the cheers surrounding him, Gakane gave a hollow laugh. Seeing this, Yuder felt a slight pang of sympathy, acknowledging that being handsome wasn't as easy as it seemed. He then stepped into an adjacent empty room. The ceremonial clothes he took out of the paper box were made of pearlescent white fabric, just like the other Cavalry members.
However, unlike the other members' clothes with silver buttons and light blue thread, his clothes were adorned with golden buttons from the sleeves to the chest and belly. Black threads were used generously on the sleeves and hem, making the outfit look heavier and more splendid.
He wondered how much budget Kishiar had spent to make these 300 plus ceremonial attires. He quickly put aside the dizzying thought about the money and took off his uniform, changing into the ceremonial clothes.
"He's out."
"You came out quickly…whoa."
Devran and Jimmy, who had been waiting for Yuder, Gakane, who seemed to have known where he was and joined them with a tired face, and a few Cavalry members who were waiting for their turn to change, all widened their eyes the moment they saw him.