Why could it be? Although he had done this countless times, there seemed to be something different this time around.
As Yuder slowly pushed off the much thicker gloves than what he used to wear, he had the feeling as if he was undressing in front of Kishiar.
The gentle ambiance that had filled the carriage while they talked about walks and funerals had somehow dissipated. The moment his right glove dropped onto his lap from within his fixed gaze, the once taut atmosphere reached its peak.
Kishiar graciously extended his palm upwards. If not for the situation, his movement might have been mistaken as an invitation to dance. But in his other hand, he held a holy emblem and a white purification stone. Yuder glanced at the offered palm, then slowly placed his right hand on top.
That was the moment. When the two hands overlapped, an indescribable tingling sensation spread from his palm throughout his body. As Yuder's hand instinctively began to withdraw, long fingers clamped around it like a trap, stopping the movement.
“…”
Yuder reflexively glanced at his captured right hand. Objectively, it was a cool temperature, but strangely it felt as hot as fire on his skin.
Manifestation had surely ended, yet why?
Could it be because their eyes, staring at each other, flickered red like blazing flames? Or…
Within the boiling silence, Kishiar slowly parted his well-formed lips.
"Are you afraid?"
"Pardon?"
"I asked if you tried to withdraw out of fear."
Again, and also this time.
He could, somehow, guess the words that were left unsaid.
"No, it's not that."
"Then why did you try to evade it this time? My assistance."
Yuder inhaled deeply, trying to ease the tension from his stiff right hand. As strength left his hand, Kishiar's clamping fingers opened like a sprung trap.
"I felt a strange sensation…"
"A strange sensation?"
Kishiar's gaze calmly studied Yuder's face. Yuder summoned some strength into his abdomen and murmured quietly,
"It's been a long time since I've been touched barehanded, that's probably why. Just… really that's all."
The gaze that seemed to pierce through his mind finally softened.
"A sensation… a sensation, you say."
With those words, Kishiar’s eyes narrowed as they looked at Yuder's fingers, which had again slightly curled in response.
"Do you still feel it now? That sensation."
Yuder looked down at the large hand of Kishiar that held his. The shivering sensation had now disappeared, but the paradoxically cold yet hot warmth and the churning in his stomach remained.
"I…I'm not sure."
Bowing his head, Yuder added cautiously,
"It might… It seems like it."
"I see, so it might be related to the second gender manifestation."
Kishiar stared at their overlapped hands with a thoughtful expression, then added his other hand, which held the holy emblem, on top, completely enclosing Yuder's hand as if it was a shell. Cold sweat began to bead from his completely encased hand.
"And now?"
"No different."
Only then did Kishiar channel his divine power. White light erupted, and Yuder could feel a slight stinging sensation from his right hand. Before manifestation, even the slightest exertion caused tremendous pain, but now it was merely a tickle.
'So, it was indeed related somehow.'
Before Yuder could finish his thought, the light faded and Kishiar withdrew the hand he had placed atop. A faint smile surfaced on his face as he examined his now clean hand, save for a tiny purple dot.
"Were you in pain?"
"Yes."
"The stimulus you felt earlier?"
"It seems… okay now."
"That's a relief."
Kishiar lightly clenched his hand then let go completely. While a sense of relief washed over him, a chill akin to emptiness also set in, causing his shoulders to momentarily shudder.
"Yuder."
"Yes."
"It may seem strange to say it myself, but I do care about you quite a lot. You know that, right?"
"…Yes."
Although Kishiar's way of caring seemed somewhat dubious, he had silently supported Yuder in all his endeavors, provided physical healing, and even created a position of assistant by his side that couldn't have existed without trust. There was no denying it. At Yuder's small nod, a faint smile played on Kishiar's lips before disappearing again.
"When you manifested, I too experienced some sensations for the first time. It was quite unfamiliar and baffling. It was the first time I decided that I should refrain from deliberately approaching others."
At his words, Yuder’s oddly transformed expression made Kishiar's eyes gleam with curiosity.
"I hope you won't misunderstand. It’s natural to be drawn instinctively since we manifested as different genders, and it’s also natural to feel unease and caution. Especially considering the uncontrollable impulses that might be inherent in that. But even so, nothing will change from before. If you wish to remain the same as you’ve always been."
"…"
"I will still treat you as my most cherished and beloved assistant."
Despite Yuder’s lack of response, Kishiar didn’t demand an answer and continued.
"So you understand? What I mean is…."
"I…I understand what you are trying to say."
Yuder interrupted him.
"Even though I have manifested my second gender, it doesn't mean I will suddenly be infatuated with those of the opposite gender and see the world turned upside down. Just, simply."
He looked down at his hand that still seemed to retain the warmth of Kishiar, and mumbled slowly.
"Like you said, because you and I manifested as different genders… it will take a while for us to adjust. That is really all there is to it."
"I see."
At last, a warm glow surfaced in Kishiar's eyes.
"To be honest, even if you weren't afraid of avoiding me, I wouldn't feel good about it."
Kishiar wasn’t feeling good – a rare sentiment for him. Yuder was taken aback momentarily, then cautiously asked.
"Is that so?"
"Yes. Perhaps this might also be a repercussion from your second gender manifestation."
Kishiar murmured, maintaining a silence as if contemplating something.
"I might have to revisit the parts of Beltrail's research records where he documented the interactions between Alpha and Omega Awakeners."
"Was there such a part?"
"Do you want me to sift through it and send it over when we get back?"
"Please."
When Yuder nodded, Kishiar smiled faintly.
"So, even in a situation like this, your inability to contain your curiosity… I rather like that aspect of you."
"Is that a compliment?"
"Of course it is. What could be a higher compliment than that?"
A playful expression finally surfaced on Kishiar's face after he said that.
"I've been lavishing you with praise, aren't you planning to return the favor? It's customary to do so."
"It's hard when you demand it out of nowhere, especially when I didn't ask for it."
"So, does that mean there's nothing commendable about me? I'm a bit shocked."
Despite knowing that wasn't what he meant, he made a show of acting aggrieved. Yuder put his glove back on his completely healed hand. Glancing outside the window, he noticed they were nearing the grounds of the Imperial Knights, where the Cavalry was stationed.
Kishiar, too, looked outside following Yuder and put the now dull purifying stone and the holy emblem back in his pouch. The faint sound of the carriage rumbling on the road filled the silence.
"… I think you're handsome."
Just when they were about to reach their destination, Yuder slowly voiced a thought. Kishiar's bewildered gaze seemed to prick his cheek, but he didn't meet his eyes.
"… What did you say?"
"I often think that you're very handsome."
"I know that but… Wait. Was that your answer to when I asked if there was nothing to compliment about me?"
Really? Was that really it? Kishiar, unable to believe it, questioned multiple times if there were no other compliments, but Yuder remained silent until the carriage stopped in front of their accommodations. Always the one flustered by Kishiar's words, seeing him flustered gave Yuder a certain sense of satisfaction, akin to revenge – a feeling he intended to keep a secret.
"We have arrived."
Before Kishiar could press further, the coachman disembarked from the carriage and courteously opened the door.
Due to the approaching dusk, there was not a soul passing by in front of the Cavalry. The two of them alighted from the carriage and entered the building.
"Follow the hallway on the first floor to the east, and you'll find the medical division. We've put up a sign, so it should be easy to find."
As if the previous talk of compliments never happened, Kishiar, bearing the demeanor of a Commander again, pointed towards the east and spoke. As Yuder nodded and passed by him, he stopped and turned to look at Kishiar.
"Do you have any more questions? Or if you want me to accompany you, just say it. I'm a Commander who has nothing to offer but good looks, but I can at least do that."
"Why would you say that? You have other merits as well."
"Oh? Like what?"
He was a man whom Yuder had always admired and followed since his previous life. If asked to list his merits, Yuder could honestly talk until dawn. However, he simply couldn't say all those things in front of the man himself.
Unable to voice his inner thoughts, Yuder swallowed and looked up at Kishiar's pale face.
"The fact that you are the only one who can command me, Commander."